Commentary on "How to win friends and influence people".
About the author
Dale Carnegie was an American businessman and writer of books dealing with human relations and effective communication. Carnegie was a promoter of what is now known as taking responsibility, although this only appears occasionally in his writings. One of the central ideas of his books is that it is possible to change the behavior of others if we change our attitude toward them. Carnegie recognized that many people, including himself, were held back by fears, doubts and lack of learning resources.
The book was written by Dale Carnegie in 1936 and some of its teachings have been passed from generation to generation, serving as a great help to those who seek to establish connections and generate positive impact on people.
The book was written by Dale Carnegie in 1936 and some of its teachings have been passed down from generation to generation, serving as a great help to those who seek to establish connections and generate positive impact on people.
- Be genuinely interested in other people. In many occasions when we have a conversation we fall into the error of only talking about our interests and we give very little space to other people to express their ideas, but if you really want to establish a closer connection with someone you must learn to have conversations that involve topics that are of their complete interest, this way you can establish a closer connection with the other person. The book describes the story of Uncle Theodore Roosevelt who whenever he had a meeting with a person would spend the night before researching what topic his guest was interested in so that he could have an active conversation with his guests. It is obvious that in most occasions we will not be able to know in advance what people's interests are, but we can be good listeners and encourage others to talk about themselves; in this way you can identify what their greatest interests are. Having a fluid conversation with others will require you to be knowledgeable on certain topics, so it is important to read frequently as this way you will be able to converse more actively and the conversation can become more interesting.
- Do not criticize. People do not like to receive destructive criticism, this does not help to strengthen relationships. Avoid at all costs to launch a criticism that can destroy the relationships you have with other people. When you are going to express any disagreement, try to do it in a constructive way that gives the other person the possibility to improve thanks to your feedback. If you want to make an observation, do it in a kind way and express a compliment first, this way you will avoid that the other person feels resentment towards you.
- Remember other people's names. To remember the names in a simpler way we must repeat it, for example: if someone you do not know says "Hello, my name is Jorge" then you can say "Jorge, nice to meet you". This exercise helps to memorize the name, the idea here is to make an extra effort and put all our attention in improving this aspect since it is very important in social relationships.
- Express yourself under the interests of others. If you want someone to do something for you you should express what benefits they get if they perform the action, for example: if you are looking for a job and in your job interview you start saying that you want to be hired because you will get more experience, because you can enrich your skills by practicing everything you have learned, surely your chances with the interviewer will be limited; but if on the contrary you say something like for example "I know that this company is looking to increase its sales and I have the business knowledge that allows me to design strategies that will enable such growth", this response does not guarantee success but surely if you will have more chance of getting the job than if you express yourself under your interests first. That is why when someone does something for you it is important to put their interests above your own. This is also a formula for success in entrepreneurship, for example: if I am going to offer the public a product that I have created I must always put myself in the position of the consumer, how my product benefits them, how it makes their life easier; if you do it this way people will surely buy it and it will be a successful product that influences the lives of many people. Let's see it for example in the case of Napoleon Hill who needed approximately 20 years to write his book "Think and Grow Rich", without a doubt this author put first the interests of others to create a material that could be used by many people. So much effort dedicated to the writing of this book is what has made that even after 80 years of its initial publication it is still one of the most popular books in terms of personal development. Do not think only of your own interests, because if you create something exclusively for the purpose of fame or fortune, it is most likely that this product will go unnoticed and will not be received favorably by the public.
- Talk about your own mistakes first before citing those of others. To understand this idea let's say that you have a skill in which you have enough knowledge and you are about to teach it to another person, if you see that the person you are teaching is making many mistakes do not criticize his mistakes; instead express empathy, tell him things like "I have also been in that position as a beginner and I also used to make that kind of mistakes, so you have to try to improve in this aspect", surely this way you will get a sincere appreciation from the other person. This seems like common sense but there are teachers or instructors who only express disagreement when we do not do things right and usually we do not remember this kind of people in the best way, we only keep appreciation and gratitude with those who have expressed empathy and understanding in our learning process; that is why we must always remember that if we now have a wide knowledge in something, we were once in the same position of the one who is just learning and if we want to make any observation of any mistake it will be better to express it by letting the other person know that we have also made our own mistakes.
- Express sincere appreciation. We all like people to express positive feelings toward us, feelings that come from the heart. Express sincere compliments, but do not confuse that with flattery, which involves expressing compliments to other people, but when there is an interest involved. Generally human beings can always distinguish when someone compliments us genuinely and when they do it only for convenience.
- The only way to get the best out of an argument is to avoid it. It is important to know that none of us has absolute truths and it is very possible that in many occasions we are not right, so when you realize you are wrong, acknowledge it. If you feel you are right, never tell the other person that he/she is wrong, but rather show respect for his/her opinions, examine the facts in detail and try to reach a consensus in an amicable manner.
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